Audrey (rough)

How we started out,
Is I thought we’d date -
Thought that I would use you
On that fateful day,
To witness something
I'd never seen before.

I found out soon
You were already off.
But I went for the tape -
That wasn’t enough
To deter me from the course
That we'd soon follow.

When you'd said nothing
To me in four months,
I figured out myself
That we were done.
And I still think that I
Haven’t quite recovered.

"A travel buddy,"
And more, you said.
More memories
Than I’d ever had;
As you and I
Explored the sprawling city.

Going metro to
The heart of it all.
Mexican Catholics,
Virgin Mary walls,
The candles and the
Quick drive down to San Mon.

And you were my best friend.
I guess that don’t mean much.
With priority,
And our lives as such,
It’s all become
A fading memory.

When you ended it,
And when you had that scare,
I gave you a hug -
You know that I was there.
And you know
I always will be.

And you tear my heart
Into halves today.
But that’s inadequate
To describe the pain -
Through all the fights, I
Never saw it coming.

Oh [Audrey]
When I see you now,
It’s like I never did.
And I am not allowed
To retain any
Affection for my best friend.

And [Audrey],
If you would talk to me,
I would tell you that
I am so sorry.
And whatever it was,
I hope you can
Forgive me.

HALF WAY

i walked into the room and you were there
i was blinded by your eyes, oh that subtle piercing stare

over the next few weeks
i wouldn't look at you but she
yet still i found us growing closer and closer

there was a glorious night and we both run
to behold the lover's painted lines provided by the sun

coincidences here and there
coincidence well i don't care
and now I think about the month of september

we were both drunk
when you met me
and i didn't see it going
any further than it did
and yeah we shared the sin
with the man who's promised his wife and his kids

there is no real future around the bend
though i've gained lots of friends, since what we had met its end

i don't know if it's truly truly true
that you never knew just how much i like you
it won't change your decision but at least, now, you know.

so here's your chance
come and take my hand
time is not a friend
to opportunity

and when it knocks
you'd better answer
look out on the doorstep
and you'll find me.

http://www.myspace.com/prostatusmusic

this first verse is just going to be an introduction
alright, i'm gonna introduce my man right here
albert kim - pro status - let's do this

no he don't wear stunnas shades, and he ain't trying to impress
you'd think he was an azn scenester from the way that he dress
he'll rep the classy penguin shirt and got some vans on his feet
and if you want street cred AKIM he can't be beat
but you know it aint the clothes, no, ain't what makes him fresh
this kid be MV pro status, read grendel to gilgamesh
who else but me and my man woulda thought to sample RENT?
we're feeling digable planets here, but on the jazz we relent.
and yes we represent the bay, but that hyphy ain't our stuff
we're just chillin' out max, to us bel air can be rough
when you compare what we do, but what do we do?
how can rhymes so fly come from a mouth fed with a silver spoon?
we like to keep it chill, though, support the ladies too
ain't gonna hear nothing outta us jesus wouldnt a said to you
check this secret easy to spot as a pigeon from a dove
if something's missing from your life all you gotta ask is how about love

what are you afraid of rough draft

is it in the tired way your eyes meet mine
like they've done a hundred times
the rationale i've never seen
the comfort was a sign
was it that glorious night beneath the stars
or our sunswept summer days
that have created in me the impetus
to begin feeling this way

and you don't know
what we will be come september
and you don't know
if you even want to remember
love, what are you afraid of?
what, are you afraid of love?

since we met i've been running
circles around my house
trying to figure out just what
you've done to me
the butterfly swarm around my eyes
make it difficult to see
anything other than your beauty

F
so here's your chance,
E
come and take my hand
Am
time is not a friend
C
to opportunity
F
and when it knocks, you'd better answer
E
look out on your doorstep
Am
the man there waving
C
is me.

and you don't know
what we will be come september
and you don't know
if you even want to remember
love, what are you afraid of?
what, are you afraid of love?

Originally Posted Monday, November 14, 2005

Sadness

is

loving someone
yet having nothing
of worth
to offer them.

All I have is myself.
My body
my soul
my thoughts
my gifts
my words
my ears
my heart.
Are those worth anything?

No?

Then I am worthless.

also...
I am conceited.
I am selfish.
I am misguided.
I am self-absorbed.
I am scared.
I am hopeless.
I am useless.
I can't win.
I can't learn.
I am the same as always.
I am the same as I was high school.
I can't trust.
I need to grow.
I need to learn.
I need to appreciate myself.
I need to appreciate others.
I think I need less expectations.
I know I need God.

I need to be single. I need to learn to rely on myself before anyone else can ever rely on me. I need to learn how to give up control to God. I need to learn how to see what is best for someone else before thinking what is best for me. I need to stop worrying about my life and let God's perfect timing happen. I need to realize that everything is for the best. I need to learn what love is.

I seem to remember that one time at Albertson's...
you grabbed my arm, and we up and danced!
That music- so poor. But we were perfect;
alone in a crowd, alone in a world of our own.

And the first time we met for our very first date?
You were tired- jet lagged for sure, and red were your eyes.
But you came out to see me, so excited, and up we went.
You told me you were cold, but I left on my jacket!

We've moved pretty far from there, haven't we?
I'm here for you now, if you ever do need me.
But... I'm reasonably certain you don't anymore.
I think- you're just a bit too busy out finding yourself.

Remember when we laid, blanketed, and stared up at the stars?
How bright. Then the rain came, and tumbled upon us.
A frigid night, and I could feel you shaking- but I was warm,
because you were enveloped in me, and I in you.

I've held you in my arms, and whispered a scene-
said, "Everything I have ever wanted in this world is laying
right by my side"- and I knew it right then, and I just
want you to know now, that I meant sincerely every word.

Together we really seemed perfect, no brakes, no ceiling.
We said we could take on the world, and I stood at attention.
Into battle, together, we would go, we would conquer.
So why aren't we?

I've had this song in my head since early this morning
or was it late last night? I can't seem to recall.
I just know that it has been pressing hard on my heart
to say not what's just on my mind, but to say it all.

I always thought that I knew you ever so well
and that I could make my decisions with you in mind.
I never really knew what your love could mean until
I saw that it was given, until what you gave was mine.

So know this, my dear, I'll never stray from your side.
If you need someone to hold, I'll be there tonight.
Just listen to my voice and block out the rest
and I swear that we'll end up alright.

You have had your troubles, and you are not perfect.
And we have upset each other, oh, quite a bit.
There are times when I think you have lied to me,
when we could both have been called a 'hypocrite'.

I've made my mistakes, actually more than my share.
And I have hurt you so much that I can't understand
why you come back and give to me that disguised gift
when I know that I am surely not yet your man.

But know this, my dear, as long as I live and I breathe
if you need someone to hold I'll be at your side.
Just give me a call and I'll be there to tell you
that I swear that we'll end up alright.

We laid together on the bed
and tears spilled out of my eyes.
You didn't understand...
but neither did I.